In Five Years

Thanks to that fun little app called #timehop, I was reminded just the other day that five years ago I made the decision to go back to school and get my teaching degree.  My Facebook status said something about registering for classes, being nervous about the long road ahead, yet anxious to start this new venture.  That journey marked the beginning of me becoming a teacher.  Crazy to think it all started exactly five years ago, and here I am preparing to begin my second year of teaching.

That one little app got me thinking about what else began five years ago, and immediately I realized it was this -- GReads!.  Yup, next month marks my five year blogoversary.  I had ideas to write up this whole blog post in September celebrating five years of book blogging (& maybe I still will).  But knowing I'll be running full speed ahead with a new school year of teaching at that time, I thought I'd mention it a bit earlier, too.

In five years I've achieved a Bachelor's degree in Education, began my career as a middle school teacher, started a book blog, read an enormous amount of books, gained the most important and endearing friendships of my life, and have become an aunt to not one, but four little souls who light up my heart.  There is so much happy in just that one sentence.  So much to be proud of, excited for, and smile about.  I am both grateful and humbled for these experiences.

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But these past five years have not always been easy, or happy.  There have been trying times, filled with guilt and remorse for taking so many detours in my earlier years.  There's been stress and heartache, followed by doubts and fears.  It's been a challenging road.  I can remember driving home from night classes, after I'd been working all day, just physically and mentally exhausted, uncertain of the end in sight.  I still feel a sense of something missing because I don't have a family of my own... yet.  Something I always imagined for myself by this age.

What I didn't expect in the past five years is what this book blog has brought into my life.  Yes, there have been amazing stories to read, but it's the moments between the pages that have truly affected me the most.  I've met some of my very best friends.  As I recently told one of them, you are my people... the ones I go to for a good laugh, the need to vent out frustrations with, and the people I want in my corner now and forever.  I know our paths would not have crossed if it weren't for this book blog.  And for that, my gratitude for this experience is immeasurable.

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After I lost my mom in 2003, I had a very hard time finding my footing again.  As a twenty-two year old girl back then, I was so completely lost and heart broken.  I felt like my life had just ended, too.  And in a sense it did.  I found myself grasping for relationships, blindly walking through jobs, and living in that exact moment because I was too scared to even think about what might happen the following day.  To be honest, I don't even know who that girl was.  I am so far removed from her.  It was a such a dark, lonesome time for me.  And what makes it even harder is that I had no idea just how awful it was, not until recently.  It's a testament to who I was, and who I've managed to become now.

In five years I've repaved my own road.  In five years I've made choices to better myself.  In five years I've said yes, but I've also said no.  In five years I've worked my ass off.  In five years I've learned how to slow down a bit and just be happy.  In five years I've fallen in love with literature and have never wanted this love affair to end.  In five years I've seen precious lives being born, but I've also witnessed lives slipping away.

In five years I've survived.  But I want to do more than just survive in my next five years.  Don't you?

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For those who have been with me in the last five years, thank you.  And for those I've just met, hello!  So much can happen in five years, I am proof of that.  It's the choices we make, the ideas we follow, and the dreams we conquer that determine our paths.  Always remember that.